Flooded Feelings

sigh.

lately, my dreams are not helping me find peace in slumber anymore. i am happy among the loving voices of my parents, their touches, worries and love. but when the bang of the door disturb my unconcious and  i am back to reality, i look at the small table lights, the small corners of my [...]

wondering about random things and absolute nothing – when the itunes on shuffle change to that song.
Exist, Untukmu Ibu.
and suddenly, reminded of him. Ha! Funny no? it’s his most favourite song to sing.
and now it fits him perfectly.
beautifully, heartbreakingly perfectly.

is he okay? i hope so.
Ida

He’s not okay.
3 o’clock in the morning. Still awake.
5 o’clock the next morning, still awake.
He’s messages – so bright and teasing only makes his sorrow more obvious to me.
He can’t sleep at night. He wants to drive her around after getting his license. He feels empty inside.
He’s not okay.
And I want so much to make [...]

‘ Tangan Ida…merah.. Tangan Mak Ngah putih jer…Takda darah,’

This was 6 months ago. My second last visit to Permas Jaya, Johor Bahru. Mak Ngah was ill even then. But nothing serious. When all of us went back to KL, Mak Ngah was then admitted to hospital. It was a rare blood disease. Somewhat a cancer. [...]

Innalillah wa innalillahi rajiuun
…

my heart was blank and still is. my mind, trying to make sense when there isn’t one. and tears are falling and falling.
the chaotic feeling of helplessness, alone and stricken unbelieveable.
and then, acceptance creeps in… worries for those back home.
Memang betul diorang kata, nyawa kita..bila bila masa saja….
3RD Generation of Sa-Far : [...]

I wanted to feel the first drop of snow and fall in love.
I felt the snow drops and fell in love.

In that less than an hour miracle, I felt so wonderfully happy and overwhelm. Nature has never been so beautiful.
They fell on my hair, coat and naked hands. It was amazingly cold but all I [...]